


all my life i've been so lonely

by Embersofthefrosts



Series: A list of Oneshots [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Soulmate AU, i was experimenting with 'show not tell', im so sorry, title from marina's song buy the stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 01:17:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16800802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Embersofthefrosts/pseuds/Embersofthefrosts
Summary: Logan and Patton were the best pairing that anyone could have made. They were best friends from the minute they started talking through smiley doodles on their arms. Each personality trait brought out a different part of the other. The most dynamic duo. But all things must come to an end eventually. (I rated this mature for the TWs named at the beginning of the chapter, there is no explicit content)It's hard to make a description without ruining anything and even then I've already kinda spoiled it so...This was an experiment I did a while back about showing and not telling and,,, well, enjoy





	all my life i've been so lonely

Tw: Major Character Death, Car Accident, Bullying, discriminatory language/slurs

Logan had always left little messages from when he was a child and always received little ones back. When he was younger, little doodles like smiley faces, geometric shapes and simple words like “hello” and “How are you?”. As he grew, they turned into late night conversations, maths workings for the other and secret codes made and lost in memories.  
He met Patton when he was 7, their parents working together to set up a surprise meeting for Patton’s birthday.  
They were best friends, constantly talking. Patton brought out the boldness behind the quiet mask of shyness Logan constantly had, and Logan influenced Patton by enhancing his curiosity by the occasional ramble about something really cool, like the stars.  
They had so much in common, but also so many things different between them. They were a perfect match together, bringing out the best parts of both. It was to be expected, they were soulmates, but not all soulmates start off with such a good connection.  
They did everything they could together- birthday parties, vacations, Christmases; they were basically joined at the hip.

Logan wished he could say he couldn't remember anything from the 18th of November, but if there was one thing Patton had drilled into his mind, it was that lies were bad and that lies could destroy the world if someone used them right. 

And so once again the memory was dragged up as he sat alone.  
The day started out with him rising to find a little message in cyan scrawled on the inside of his wrist; “Good morning, Lo! Meet at the park like usual? :)”  
Logan grabbed his blue ballpoint pen and wrote back a quick “Of course, Patton”.

Logan got out of bed, showered, dressed, ate (he had eggs on toast), grabbed his school bag and left for school. He met Patton at the corner of the park like usual and got into registration with plenty of time before school started.  
Math was first- they revisited the area of shapes that day- then geography (it was a pop quiz), break, Science and English (then lunch, like usual) before finishing the day with cooking.

Cooking was always a fun lesson, due to their class being, well, children, and cooking such things as pizza and banana bread and kebabs. Powdered sugar often coated most surfaces, which oddly never happened when a member of staff was present, only when their back was turned, and Logan was not even going to get started about the time they were able to use barbecue sauce. 

But Logan took an extra club after school- further maths, because-- cmon, it’s not that weird to like maths, is it?

But either way, Logan stayed back an hour after school while Patton got a ride home. 

Logan was about halfway through the time there (their current project was about using Excel mathematically) when he received a message on his arm in Patton's mother, Tracy’s handwriting;

𝐿𝑜𝑔𝒶𝓃,  
𝒫𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑜𝓃… 𝒫𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑜𝓃’𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝑜𝓀𝒶𝓎.  
𝐻𝑒’𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝑜𝓈𝓅𝒾𝓉𝒶𝓁 𝒷𝓎 𝒶𝒾𝓇- 𝐼’𝓂 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒽𝒾𝓂 𝓃𝑜𝓌. 𝒜𝓁𝒶𝓃’𝓈 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝒾𝓇 𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝒾𝒸𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓊𝓅.  
𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝓇𝓊𝓅𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒸𝓁𝓊𝒷 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒. 𝒴𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓂𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓂𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝓊𝓈 𝒶𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒽𝑜𝓈𝓅𝒾𝓉𝒶𝓁 𝒶𝓈 𝓈𝑜𝑜𝓃 𝒶𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝒾𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓀 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓈𝒽𝑒𝓈.  
𝒯𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓎

Logan felt his hand clench on the piece of paper he was holding. Muffled noises of other students, almost mechanical movement as he picked up his bag, with a jumbled and confusing talk with the teacher and rushed down to the office where Alan was already waiting, having signed Logan out already. 

The car ride was almost silent except a quiet “What happened?” from Logan.

Alan took a deep breath, eyes trained on the road. 

“He had taken Spot and Buddy out for a walk to pass the time before you came home. You know how restless he can get. And apparently, Buddy broke into a run and ran into the road, and Patton followed to pick him back up to move him onto the pavement, and that’s when the car… Well, you’re a smart boy, Logan. You can work it out.”

Silence fell over the car until they reached the hospital. 

Once they reached the right area, they found Tracy sat outside, the woman wiping away a stray tear.  
“The doctors are with him now. They’ve already found at least 2 broken ribs and a broken leg, but he’s lost a lot of blood.” her voice dropped as she tried to calm a stuttering breath. “They aren’t sure if he’ll be able to make it.”

Logan sat slowly, shock leaving him with no words, and he found that it was probably for the best that he remained without speaking. 

His best friend, his soulmate was dying. He should’ve been there. It was his fault. He should’ve been there. Patton wouldn’t have been restless. He could’ve warned Patton. He us shouldn’t have taken the club. 

The doctors came out about half an hour later, and one of Logan’s moms had arrived. The talked in hushed voices to Alan, but everyone could see the drop in his face, the sadness dragging the corners of his lips downwards. Logan was curled into a ball on his mother’s lap, not sobbing, but occasionally another tear would silently follow the glistening path of many that preceded it. 

As a face fell, as did the hopes and feelings. Everyone seemed to huddle together more, and Logan choked back a sob, only for it to escape quietly from his mouth, the rest of his breath shaky. Tracy was wiping away tears of her own, leaning into Alan who had moved to embrace his wife. Logan’s mom, Cassie, was wrapped around Logan protectively, rocking gently as she stroked Logan's head. 

It was from that moment that Logan was drawing himself back into his shell of shyness and fear.  
His once dramatic self he had found with Patton almost completely disappeared.

He moved away not much longer; he couldn’t bear the memories that surrounded the town. Everything reminded him of Patton.

Buddy had been put down after he also got hit by the car, but Spot was given to him to look after. 

In the new school he was attending, Logan didn’t really make any friends, but one group, the more weird ones and the nerds took him in. But he refused to talk about soulmates. And the closest ones never asked. 

However, being a quiet nerd with two moms around the age of 14 would never work out well. 

“Oh look, it’s the nerd with the fags for moms!” The boys surrounding him laughed along with his friend.  
“Leave me alone,” came a quiet reply.  
“Oh I’m sorry, I can’t hear you, but I bet you're about to burst into tears.”  
“Ooooh, do we need to call mommy to kiss your pride better?”  
Logan pressed his eyes closed, trying to ignore the discriminatory idiots around him.  
“I feel sorry for your soulmate,” another one went on. “I would want to die if I got someone like you.”  
Logan clenched his fist, trying to keep his calm.  
“I bet he doesn’t even have a soulmate.”  
And then Logan snapped.  
“What do you know? You haven’t ever... ever had the chance to get close to your soulmate to have him ripped away from you! You’ve not been through the pain I have. You will never care about those around you. You only care for yourselves. You only care to make yourselves better than others. Well, newsflash, you aren’t, and you will never, ever, in the rest of your lives be better than anyone.”

The group were shocked silent briefly as the boy in front of them was known for not ever retaliating to jibes, but then the head of the group, Samuel Matthews, spoke up.  
“Him? So not only were you raised by fags, but you are a faggot yourself? Ha!”

The other boys took this as newfound ammunition, crowding around, enclosing him against the fence where he was sat. 

“Just… leave me alone.”  
“As if, Fa-“  
“Finish that insult and I will not hesitate to punch you.” Logan looked up quickly to see that a taller, older kid had dragged Matthews back by the scruff of his clothes.  
“Leave the kid alone, you foul creatures!” Roman Hartley stood to the side, arms on his hips as he glared at the bullies.  
“You heard him, fuckers. Go!” The taller, lankier kid glared from underneath his bangs. 

The bullies stood their ground until Matthews muttered a quick “c’mon. We aren’t gonna beat this.” 

Once the bullies were gone, Virgil went and seated himself next to Logan, holding out a hand.  
“Virgil Evans, sorry you had to go through that. They’re real dicks. Oh, and this is my very, very incredibly dramatic friend, Roman Hartley, but you probably already know that. He has a habit to broadcast himself.”  
“Rude.”  
Logan was aware that they were a good two years older, and that most of the time, same years stuck together and didn’t mix with younger or older kids. 

“C’mon bud, let’s go get you a snack.”  
Virgil slung his arm over Logan’s shoulder, guiding him to stand up and move towards the hall and canteen. Roman cracked a joke, and Logan let himself share a tiny grin with the two. 

Yes, Logan still felt broken after 3 years of Patton being gone, but Logan could be fixed, he just needed the right people.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaack,,,,  
> i'm so sorry. i finished that after writing it over the span of 3 days, and i kept hating what i was writing through them (im actually quite a slow writer) because i had planned and was like nooooo i dont want to hurt my lil boi.  
> but alas, i finished it, like over a month ago and just never got around to posting it here
> 
> also i wanted to do more show not tell as i'm in a creative writing group and wanted to improve with an idea.  
> at first i was gonna do prinxiety but then i felt logicality fit more  
> and im so sorry again  
> i hated myself after i wrote it too so i dont blame you for hating me lmao  
> I might do a sequel to this ab Virgil, Logan and Roman, but probably not. also, its posted on tumblr on emberofthefrost


End file.
